Chapter 6: Encouragement

I love this chapter, as the area of encouraging children has been a personal interest of mine for a long time.  I began my education career believing that by telling my students, "Great job!" or "I am so proud of you" or other such comments, I would be building their feelings of self-confidence and self-efficacy (belief in their ability to succeed in a specific area).  I lavished my students with such compliments... and started to notice something.  While my students and I seemed to have a great relationship, I realized that they became quite dependent on me.  Did I like their picture?  Did I think they did a good job in math?  Was I proud of them? Something was off.

Around this time (my 2nd or 3rd year of teaching), I began to learn about more child-centered approaches to discipline and helping students to establishes an internal "locus of control."  When we provide the above types of compliments to our children, we are also establishing ourselves as their judge of what's good or not - and often forcing them to seek outside sources for approval, instead of relying upon themselves.   

Don't get me wrong - praise is NOT a bad thing and I believe it is absolutely essential that we not only  NOTICE our children's behavior, efforts and work, but ACKNOWLEDGE and CELEBRATE it as well.  However, I think there are better ways to meet this goal than consistantly giving vague compliments.

Once again, I embrace Bailey's framework for acknowledging students.  I use this phrase constantly with students and have had great results:

"_(Name)_, you _(behavior)_ so that _(effect)_.  That was helpful, kind, brave, etc.!"

"Lulu, you shared your toy so that Sam could play with it too.  That was kind!"

Even though it feels a bit forced at the beginning, once you begin using this phrase, it easily fits into your daily language and brings upon an immediate beam by the child!  You noticed and celebrated the behavior you want to see continue, without being vague or placing your judgment.  You simply noticed it and added a "tag" to describe the values you saw.

I find this chapter to have so many practical, real life and applicable phrases to begin to integrate into your language with children.  Hopefully you have found the same benefit!  Share any of the phrases that connect with you or any others that you use to notice and encourage your child.  Thanks for reading!