Chapter 4: Assertiveness

Bailey states, "The goal of assertiveness is clarity."  The goal is not to please others or to show anger to others.  The goal is to directly explain how we feel and what we need or want.  Sounds easy in theory, right?

Everyday I teach children how to be assertive with one another as I believe that it is through assertive communication that children become empowered and find worth in themselves.  In all honestly, sometimes this lesson is hard for even adults to learn, particularly when assertive communication is not something that has necessarily been taught to us.

I began really using Bailey's assertive communication with kids three years ago and struggled with it at first - was I being rude to state assertive commands to my students?  I learned that by directly stating my feelings and wants, children could easily relate.  There was no confusion - my expectations were my expectations and kids have respected that.  I also found that utilizing assertive communication allowed me to really utilize a calm and respectful tone with kids, even when frustrated.  My voice tends to rise as I get more and more frustrated, leading into more passive-aggressive comments (I have some not so fond memories of trying to get my first kindergarten class "under control").  However, when I am focusing upon assertively stating my feelings and needs to create a teachable moment, I am continually surprised at how calm I remain.  I think that this calmness is "downloaded" to my students and allows for a better learning opportunity.

Feel free to make some comments about your thoughts on the chapter.
-Which passive-aggressive beliefs have you held on to, and which are you willing to let go?
-Do you like the structure Bailey has provided for assertive communication?
-Share your thoughts upon using tattling as teachable moment for assertiveness.

Thank you for reading!